Fuck Cabbage Patch Kids
I hate Cabbage Patch Kids. I hate their ugly little moon faces and their stupid yarn hair. I hate them to the point that they've appeared in my nightmares.
I can't think of a toy that even comes close to being as aesthetically displeasing as these pieces of shit.
Like most design trends from the mid-to-late 70s, the general appearance and marketing for Cabbage Patch Kids is nauseating. Why would anyone want a baby born from produce? And a cabbage, at that? Famously, the worst of the lettuces.
They look like something my grandmother might have made in her free time, and she was absolutely terrible at arts and crafts. Even she would throw this monstrosity in the trash.
If God made LEGO, then Satan made the Cabbage Patch Kids. Fuck Cabbage Patch Kids.