Lump Motif

Rough around the edges.

Reading

  • Ding, Ding, Ding

    Raising a teenager is tough, and some days, your parenting choices are better left forgotten. Today is one of those days for me.

    Being a thirteen-year-old boy is not easy even on the least stressful of days, but when you have a parent – in this case, me – who has little patience for bullshit and tends to bottle up little frustrations until they explode in one loud, shrieking blast, then certain days can be more emotionally taxing than others.

    Teenage boys can seem like total monsters. Their hormone-addled brains swing them through emotional pendulums. Moodiness leads to theatrics, and theatrics can quickly swerve into tantrum territory. This is all to be expected, if not inevitable. It certainly doesn’t dampen the absurdity of it all, nor does it help test the mettle of even the most patient and emotionally forgiving parent.

    The aftermath of these outbursts is a quiet period of reflection in which we both retreat into solitude, which is understood not to be broken until we’ve both settled down and can continue as if nothing ever happened.

    When two people lose their shit at the same time, the result is just a larger pile of shit. The larger the pile gets, the more effort it takes to clean it up. Retreating to our own sides of the ring is how we prevent the pile from growing beyond our capacity to shovel it away.

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  • Weeknotes 3

    • I took my son to see Spider-Man: Brand New Day at the theater. We used to go to the theater often, but before this trip, we hadn’t been to the cinema since last summer. At one point, we went so often that we had memorized all of the pre-feature commercials and even had a few in-jokes about them. The movie was decent. I had not seen any trailers, so the introduction of Jean Grey and the new X-Men universe was a pleasant surprise. 3.5/5
    • Apparently, I let slip an “inappropriate” word during one of my online notary sessions. I’m pretty sure the word in question was “goddamit” in reaction to the client losing connection for the fifth time during the session. The signer wasn’t even in the session at the time since they were reconnecting, but it was still apparently enough of a blunder to be suspended from the platform until I meet with one of the leads. This is why I prefer to work for myself.
    • I rolled out a few major updates to Treasure Coast Today, including a revamped paywall design, an added anchored paywall banner when readers are reading their free article, and a redesigned subscribe page. I also added an Events page, featuring a calendar of local events. I’m leaving the Events page outside of the paywall because I think this is a great way to attract return visitors.
    • Treasure Coast Today is almost at $1,000 ARR, which doesn’t sound like much, but would be a major milestone for me and proof that this product has market viability.
    • I’ve been semi-obsessed with watching Timmy Takeout on YouTube. He’s just such a funny, sassy, sweet soul, and he entertains me immensely.
    • I finished reading Because of Winn-Dixie (a coming-of-age book featuring a dog, in which the dog doesn’t die at the end) and started reading Piranesi by Susanna Clarke, which is absolutely enchanting so far.

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  • My Five W’s of Reading

    I borrowed this idea from this post on the Contains Moderate Peril blog; a prompt that is apparently making the rounds across the indie blogosphere, and it seemed like a fun exercise. Reading has always been an important part of my life and identity, so writing about reading is naturally a favorite topic of mine.

    Who: An author you would like to have a “one-on-one” with?

    Bill Bryson would make for an entertaining dinner guest. Bryson has a way of making even the most mundane and dry topics interesting. He’s a true storyteller with decades of consistent non-fiction bangers under his belt; my favorites being A Walk in the Woods and A Short History of Nearly Everything.

    What: What genre do you gravitate toward most?

    I’ve become far more selective as I’ve gotten older. I realize more and more how little time there actually is. So, accordingly, I’ve DNF’d more and chosen my TBR like a man on borrowed time, because in reality, we all are. Recently, I’ve been reading a mix of “serious” literature and cozy fiction. I’ve found that I’ve outgrown paperback thrillers, and I’ve been reading far less non-fiction than I used to.

    Where: Where do you prefer to read?

    Most of my reading these days is done in bed, cuddled up with my dog, under the blankets, a fan gently oscillating at our feet. I’ve always preferred to do my reading in the supine position, or cozied up on my side.

    When: What time of day do you prefer to read?

    Any time of the day is a good time to read, but most of my recreational reading is done at night, as I lie in bed before sleep. My body has become accustomed to associating reading with wind-down time, so the act of reading on its own is enough to send my body into relaxation mode.

    Why: Why is your favourite book your favourite book?

    In theory, my favorite books are The Lord of the Rings series, though in my heart, my favorite book will forever be The Magician’s Nephew by C.S. Lewis. Other than R.L. Stine, no one ignited my love for reading more than C.S. Lewis and the world of Narnia. The Magician’s Nephew opened up a whole new world. It showed me that literature could weave entire new worlds into existence.

    An honorable mention goes out to Nine Princes in Amber by Roger Zelazny, for very similar reasons. I remember seeing the cover while going through my friend’s bookshelf and being instantly intrigued. Of the books I borrowed from him, this was the only one he never got back.

    If my favorite book were judged based on the book I’ve read the most, the answer would undoubtedly be The Nighttime Book by Mauri Kunnas. Over my childhood and middle-grade years, I probably read this picture book hundreds of times. There is something about the warm artwork and the intimacy of the book’s exploration of the forbidden overnight world that seemed so foreign, and a little dangerous, to a kid like myself with a bedtime, that lit up my imagination brighter than any other book could.

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  • Death and Parenting as a Single Father

    When I think about my inevitable death, the fear of the unknown is not what troubles me the most. The thought that causes me the most pain is the effect my death will have on my son.

    As a single father of a thirteen-year-old, my relationship with my son is multi-faceted. Folded within the teenage mood swings and my paternal stubbornness is an indescribable loyalty. There also lives an unspoken faith in one another; a faith that silently murmurs, “I will always be here for you,” even though death’s guarantee promises us that this is a self-soothing illusion.

    As a man who has always feared the possibility of a widow-maker heart attack or some sudden death, I’ve attempted to discuss the topic with my son several times. However, the conversation usually ends with a reassuring, “You’re not going to die.” And for some reason, I have not pushed the topic any further.

    But the truth is, I’m going to die. Of course I am. And as a very overweight, middle-aged man, the promise of death lingers in my mind more than I’d like to admit.

    What hurts most is that I won’t be there to comfort him. In my mind’s eye, I see his tears. I see his loneliness and his sadness, and it makes me feel broken.

    This broken feeling motivates me to try to be better. To be healthier. And to be more mindful. To try to fulfill that unspoken promise. That I will always be there for him.

    This post was written as part of this month’s IndieWeb Carnival. This month’s topic is Parenting.

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  • No-Sedation Colonoscopy

    One of my worst fears is going under anaesthesia. As common as it is to have surgery, I still don’t believe this is an irrational fear. So much can go wrong, and the horror stories that I’ve heard have a louder voice in my head than the 99.9% of procedures that have no serious or life-threatening outcomes.

    According to a quick Google search, only about 0.001% of procedures, or 10 per 1 million, result in severe complications. Death occurs in fewer than one in 200,000 to 300,000 procedures (which one is it, Google? That’s a very large range!).

    Even so, the idea terrifies me to my core. So you can imagine my joy when I heard that no-sedation colonoscopies are a real thing. I’ve never had a colonoscopy, but truth be told, I probably should have had one long ago. I’ve had chronic IBS issues for the past decade, but my fear of medical settings in general has kept me from doing the right thing and attending to my health.

    Even more encouraging, patients who undergo no-sedation colonoscopies generally report zero to little discomfort. Where do I sign up?

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  • Keyboard Insecurity

    For the past few years, I’ve used a super clickity-clackity mechanical keyboard that came included with my pre-made gaming PC. Until a few days ago, I hadn’t thought for a moment about how annoying the sound might be to someone else. Keyboard clicks are just so satisfying to use that the potential sound pollution doesn’t even come to mind.

    During one of my online notary sessions late last week, one of the people accompanying one of the signers said, “I hate that keyboard noise. It reminds me of the fake keyboard sound that AI customer service agents use on the phone.”

    “I love the clicky-clacky sound it makes, but I’ll keep that in mind,” I responded cheerfully, in my best customer service voice.

    But he wasn’t done yet. “Well, you should know how annoying it sounds to everyone else.”

    I typically have thick skin, but something about his comment shook me. Had I really been annoying everyone I’ve spoken to online for the past couple of years? Even if I hadn’t, the damage was already done. So I ordered the Kensington Slim Type Wired Keyboard (K72357USA), which is exceptionally silent. Problem solved.

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  • It’s Too Late

    There’s a battle taking place between my intense desire (need?) for sleep and my insistence on getting shit done before I close my laptop for the night. Who am I kidding? Sleep will not come easily if I leave any tasks undone.

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  • Restarting the Conversation

    It’s annoying how fast you reach your maximum conversation length using ChatGPT. I use ChatGPT a lot. Like a lot, a lot. Particularly for my Treasure Coast Today project, which always seems to have something that needs fixing.

    I understand the need for efficiency, especially having witnessed what the process looked like before conversation length limits were introduced. Before ChatGPT had conversation limits, sessions could balloon to lengths that made the site unusable because of the memory required.

    The change means that conversations now frequently get cut off in the middle of pivotal roll-outs. The current process requires me to instruct ChatGPT to prepare a handoff package so the next conversation knows exactly where I left off and I don’t miss a beat. I then upload my full GitHub repo so the new session can see exactly what the current project looks like.

    While this isn’t hard to do, it would be nice if OpenAI released a feature that automatically hands off the conversation, or at least automatically creates a package when a conversation reaches that point, without users having to request it every time. It seems like an easy quality-of-life feature.

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  • Weeknotes 2

    • At work, we continue to be bombarded with Archer’s Talc Powder Settlement documents, and it continues to wear on me. Work leaves me in a dark mood. And apparently we’re only 10,000 signings in, out of a current contract of 65,000. I feel like I’ve done 10,000 myself.
    • The Director of Notary Operations asked if he could give me a call for an informal chit-chat. We spoke for about 20 minutes about my experiences working for them and whether I had any advice for how they handled the Talc project. He admitted that they didn’t factor in the mental toll it would take on us, notaries. The guy sounds out of his depth. He’s not even an active notary. I’m not sure how one obtains the role of Director of Notary Operations without even being a notary. The conversation did little to instill me with faith in this company’s leadership.
    • I had an odd experience with one of my signers. Like many of the other Talc settlement sessions, this man had a tragic story to tell. His wife died of ovarian cancer, and he was visibly torn up about it. In the middle of the session, apropos of nothing, he asked, “Were you vaccinated?” I answered, “Yes, but I haven’t received a booster in several years now.” He sort of giggled to himself, “I think a lot of this has to do with that, but I won’t get into it. Well, I’ll pray for you.” We live in a world where an entire generation has been indoctrinated.
    • My son was home for a couple of days more this week. His doctor called on Monday and told us that his throat culture had come back positive for strep. So, he had to be medicated and feeling better before returning.
    • I finished reading Never Let Me Go by Kazuo Ishiguro and the Dictionary of Fine Distinctions by Eli Burnstien, and began Because of Winn-Dixie by Kate DiCamillo.
    • I did a lot of music listening this week, as per usual. Most notably, I listened to Weezer’s new Gold Album. Very mediocre, but not disappointing since I expected a complete trainwreck. Though it did lead to me listening to some of their classic back catalogue.

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  • Token Black Model

    Starting around the mid-90s, corporations started using diversity as a marketing tactic. The fat cats in boardrooms across America stuck their piggy noses skyward and sniffed out a change in the zeitgeist.

    While browsing through any clothing catalogue during this time, one might come across a new edition to their novel-sized clothing compendiums: the token black model. Companies would hire a single black model to mix into the pale sea of posing Chads and Kyles. The token black model would appear once every 3 or 4 pages, strategically placed to be visible, but not too visible.

    Arguably, hiring one sole black model was even worse than having no black models at all. In hindsight, it felt more like a quota companies were expected to fill, rather than an organic result of a more inclusive culture. Sadly, diversity has become mostly a commercial concept, rather than a cultural one.

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